The Art of Open-Minded Discernment

Finding Your Truth in a World of Opinions

Have you ever wondered if the ideas you believe are truly your own or something you adopted without ever realizing?

I love watching movies. Sometimes, I get so transfixed in the lives of my favorite characters that if one of them is wronged, you can find me fuming on their behalf. My husband has had to remind me more than once, “It’s not real, it's just a movie!”. It's gotten better over the years, but hey, when you’re really invested, it's hard to hold back, right?

The interesting thing is, this tendency to get swept up in someone else’s story doesn’t just happen with movies—it’s all around us. In real life, we’re generally influenced by outside beliefs, perspectives and sometimes, even our own mental stories, that have nothing to do with our unique journeys.

Many of our beliefs are acquired from our environment: the place we grew up in, our families, authority figures in our lives, the peers we interact with, the society or culture we are a part of, the media, and so on.

We are conditioned to accept the truths shared by the people we know or the world in general.

In childhood, we're naturally influenced by the world around us, as we build a relationship with our new surroundings by absorbing beliefs and forming conclusions.

Our world views and perspectives are shaped by these influences.

As adults, we continue to ingest content from the world to educate ourselves. There are positive ideas out there like knowledge intended to aid one in becoming well-informed. However, we are often marketed belief systems that may not work well for our individual lives.

Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and stoic philosopher, once said,

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything is a perspective, not the truth.”

Discernment is the instinct with which we recognize the beliefs that are not serving our unique life paths.

Why talk about discernment for personal growth?

1. Outdated beliefs: As we grow, we continue living by many of the narratives we formed in our childhood without questioning whether they still serve us or don't.

   
   

2. Intrusive & Irrelevant Opinions: Today, we're constantly bombarded by viewpoints from every avenue— whether it's the people in our environment, the books we read, apps on our phones, TVs, like Instagram, Facebook & LinkedIn, or even AI tools such as Chat GPT. Essentially all these are thought streams we are continuously being invited to accept. When we constantly consume content without awareness, it can become ingrained in our psyche, quite subtly in the background, before we realize it.

   
   

3. Stress: Clinging to such outdated beliefs, or irrelevant viewpoints can cause suffering— inner conflict, confusion, and even disillusionment.

   
   

4. Peer Pressure & Conformity: Often, we take the path of least resistance—conforming to norms to feel accepted or successful.

   
   

   1. Take career choices, for instance: choosing a degree that feels safe or that is well-respected in society without listening to our inner voice. When we try to walk a certain road in our professional or personal lives to avoid confrontations, instead of adopting a more trailblazing path, we are bound to end up limiting ourselves.

      
      

   2. Similarly, social media creates the illusion of perfect lifestyles—endless travel, flawless creativity—that can pressure us to replicate those lives. Yet, when we experience these things, some of us may find them overrated, or realize they require more effort than anticipated, and that they do not always lead to genuine fulfillment. Overuse of social media is a big fuel for feelings of scarcity and lack within us.

      
      

      Exploration and Creativity are not bad values to pursue but often, we conflate the result with the process, setting ourselves up for disappointment or frustration.

      
      

5. Followership: We seek guidance by relying on teachers, subject matter experts, or research to guide us. However, many times, we make this dependence into a habit without astuteness which impedes our growth.

   
   

How does discernment help?

Discernment is a specific stream of self-inquiry where you reflect on the truth you have gleaned from your lived experiences— what is important to you, what feels right for you, what has given you real joy, and what has not.

To discern means to understand the importance of direct experiential realization of a truth instead of blindly adopting it as a belief.

It is a deliberate attempt to gain more insights into your beliefs, internal stories, or habits that don't align with this truth and that are holding you back.

With a discerning eye, you can identify what truly resonates with you & consciously choose what you are influenced by.

You can be radically honest with yourself and stand by your truth, even in the face of myriad viewpoints, no matter how popular they seem.

With discernment, we can maintain a balanced view when considering advice from experts, advisors, or research. we recognize that even experts form conclusions based on their own experiences and that well-accepted theories or studies may have exceptions or outliers that we aren't always aware of.

When you apply discernment to inquire where your desires stem from, and deeply pay attention to how you feel engaging with the actual process or action by itself instead of the outcome you desire, you find answers to what gives you real contentment, what aligns with you as an individual as opposed to what seems to be painted as a picture out there.

And while there might be a few truths that are universal in nature, by discerning, you give yourself and the world a chance to provide you with new possibilities that others may not yet have discovered. 

Caveats: The tight rope of balancing open-mindedness with discernment

It can seem empowering to find our truths. Even so, we must be wary of the following ego traps:

• Righteousness: Rigidly clinging to our beliefs, and only our truths as the whole truth, is a recipe for poor decisions. Another trait to be cautious of— becoming unyielding toward differing opinions and taking things personally, even when there is a possibility that we made wrong conclusions on our part.

  
  

• Cognitive Biases: Incorrect beliefs or biases can cloud our judgment, distort our perception, and restrict us from making sound decisions. Few examples:

  • Confirmation bias: only focusing on information that supports our pre-existing beliefs, overlooking any pitfalls

  • Stereotyping: Playing into preconceived notions about a culture, career, etc.

    • Such as, if a person meditates, it's easy to assume they are also into Yoga. While majority of the cases might be so, there can be exceptions we havent thought of.

  • Halo effect - letting a single trait dictate our entire perspective of something. For example, if a person is organized at work, assuming they are also punctual or creative.

  • Status Quo: Resistance to Change

  
  

• Preferences: We all have certain preferences whether it comes to food, clothing, music, lifestyle, or other things. Strong preferences can hinder our ability to remain receptive to new experiences, making us subtly feel stubborn about our choices.

This is where open-minded discernment comes in. This concept can seem quite paradoxical. How can you be open to a new perspective when we just talked about owning your truths and their place in the world? 

Open-mindedness in the context of discernment refers to the ability to remain receptive to new information, ideas, and perspectives while critically evaluating them based on your actual experiences.

It involves actively listening, considering new viewpoints, and being flexible enough to adjust your understanding without immediately rejecting anything that challenges your existing beliefs.

On the other hand, discernment helps you make thoughtful choices about what you allow to influence your thoughts, actions, and worldview.

This dynamic allows for continuous growth while staying authentic.

Changing career paths as adults, starting our own business, investing in new relationships, parenting, or anything else that involves risky decisions, often requires us to walk the fine line between trusting our own instincts and yet remaining open to new inputs from the world around us to deftly pivot as needed.

Simple & Practical Steps to Apply in Daily Life

Here are a few steps we can take to adopt an attitude of open-minded discernment:

1. Reflection: When we set aside daily or regular reflection time every week to contemplate on specific areas where we feel stuck, or unsure, we become better at digging deeper internally and cultivate the skill of discernment.

   
   

   1. Ask Questions Regularly: Start with asking yourself, "What do I believe about this particular aspect of my life, and why? Does this belief serve me? or What has my experience taught me about this?" Ask yourself what rings to be true for you from within - "Is it a black and white situation or are there some gray shades here that I am unable to spot?"

   2. Listen to your feelings: Be courageous enough to step outside of groupthink and listen to your own feelings. 

   3. Trust when it feels right to pause, and take a closer look at certain aspects of your life. Tune into your intuition & trust in life when somethings feels misaligned.

   4. Question Your Beliefs: Get comfortable questioning not only societal beliefs but also your long-held personal beliefs.

   5. Question information: Develop a habit of questioning what you receive, fact-checking sources, and seeking out different perspectives and asking yourself, "What have I learnt through direct experience that has served me well?"

   6. Regularly question assumptions: Stereotypes, conditioned beliefs, preferences or judgments being played into

      • For instance, enforcing spiritual superstitions, assuming zodiac sign incompatibility, preferring the company of people who are similar to you vs those who are different.

   7. Complete honesty: Only when we meet ourselves truthfully within, can we meet the truth without. Ask yourself, if the reasons you believe are rooted in wisdom, self-love and compassion toward others. Sometimes, the reasons we give ourselves can be a projection of our feelings of hurt, rigid preferences, or prejudices that dont serve our growth in the long run.

   8. Embrace Openness: Ask yourself - Is there a different view I can consider?

      
      

2. Practice Letting Go: Look at the beliefs that no longer serve you and let them go by not playing into their story each time they come up. Become aware of them and stay open to new perspectives.

   
   

3. Mindfulness Practices: Practicing mindfulness, breathwork, or meditation can help us enter a calm state of mind. This helps to tap into our intuitive wisdom by allowing us to remain deeply present in our experiences. stay grounded and connected to our inner voice.

   
   

4. Self-Awareness & Acceptance: If we invest in self-awareness, we develop the muscle to discern and be open-minded automatically.

   1. Inquiring or putting in the work to reflect on your world, the perspectives playing out and your relationship with it.

   2. Acceptance towards yourself and your life path to own your truths

   3. Acknowledge when applicable and accept that what is true for others may not be true for you

   4. Sometimes you may even need to have hard conversations with others to stand by your truth

   5. Honor how you are feeling by accepting the situation and showing more compassion towards yourself and others involved.

   
   

5. Compassion towards oneself: Be patient with yourself, open-minded discernment is an attitude that takes time to integrate and it's okay to not have all the answers immediately.

   1. Celebrate Small Wins: when you recognize a belief that no longer serves you and make choices based on your true self, appreciate yourself as it is not easy.

Conclusion

The journey of finding your own truth is ongoing and being open, flexible, and discerning are the key to living authentically.

When we consciously strive to become open-minded yet discerning, we develop an inner stability that guides us in the most challenging situations.

As a result, we nurture mental clarity, make better decisions, and can withstand the discomfort that organically arises when faced with uncertainty. 

There is more trust in our ability to make decisions even when we don’t have enough data.

We progress in our maturity because we acknowledge the diversity of everyone’s experiences and the consequent perspectives driving each one’s reality.

We can identify what's good for our growth and what is truly valuable in life in the long run.

Overall, we can live from a more authentic sense of self & expression in the world, leading to a fulfilling life, less prone to suffering.